Snowy Days Are Good For Writing

Boston-Snow, writing, write, snow storm, jason landry, boston, penthouse, weatherMe: Siri, can I stay home today and do some writing?

Siri: Let me check. Would you like me to check the Internet for, ‘Can I stay home today and do some writing?’

Me: Ah, no Siri, I was hoping that you would be able to answer that.

Snowy days are perfect days to get some writing done. Take a look at the picture on your left. That’s the view from my penthouse in Boston. Actually today, I may do some more editing and then read a bit. There’s little distraction since I don’t want to go out. I won’t be tempted to run out for a bagel or a burrito or a pizza. My wife set up dinner in the crock pot and the dog is already sound asleep at my feet and it’s only 8:57am.

I have about 67,000 words written and in the can toward my first memoir. I can’t express how exciting this has been for me. I already have two more book ideas on the back burner––one non-fiction and one fiction. I’ve been told that when you’re stuck writing, start writing something else. Instead of putting all my eggs in one basket, I have opened up a carton of eggs––none of which are colored with PAAS Easter Egg dye––yet!

On a side note, the Boston Marathon is less than 30 days away. Last year the weather was in the 80’s on Marathon Monday. Even though tomorrow is the official First Day of Spring, the chances that warm weather will actually come that quickly is looking doubtful––however, I’m optimistic!


A Leaky Faucet and a Frozen Pair of Panties

I thought I was going to stay in today on this blistery snowy Sunday, but no, my friend coerced me out of the house.
“Come on…let’s go get some lunch.”
“Lunch? It’s lunchtime?”
“What! Did you just get up?”
“No, I’m just lounging around today. Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll meet you on the corner. I still need to get dressed.”

I left the house at Noon and began my descent down the seventy-seven stairs of my brownstone. Before I got through the first twelve I was met in the hallway by one of my downstairs’ neighbors who was on all fours. He had removed a wall panel and was peering into the recessed shaft where the plumbing to his unit could be accessed.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I’m checking the pipes. We’re going to swap out the faucet in our bathroom.”
“Oh cool…good luck.”

That’s the last I thought about it. It slipped my mind completely after I stumbled upon a pair of shiny, red panties lying in the snow bank on the way to meeting my friend. Crazy shit like this always captures my attention – oddities that I find when I’m out walking. I pulled out my iPhone and snapped a picture and kept walking. How and why were they there is always the first panties, frozen panties, red underwear, underwear, snow, valentine's dayquestions? Valentine’s Day was just the other day so I wonder if the owner of these panties discarded them after having a quickie in one of the parked cars the other night – it wouldn’t be the first time. Or maybe she dropped them after her walk of shame home – I’ve see that before too. Another plausible explanation – maybe they just fell out of her laundry bag – and yes, I’ve seen that too. Regardless – whoever you are, your panties are now in this story. As my friend said to me after I showed him the photograph,
“You gotta Instagram dat joint!” – We heard that statement recently on some YouTube video. It made us both crack up. And for the record…I did Instagram it.

We trekked through the snow and picked up our pizza and two liter bottle of Coke – that was the special of the day, and was just about to get into it and my friends phone started to chime.
“Jason…I just got a text saying that there is a large puddle of water in the hallway in front of my rental unit in your building.”
“Shit…are you kidding me? I can tell you exactly where that’s coming from. One of the new owners was in the hallway telling me he was going to change out his faucet. Do you have the number to the management company?”

Fifteen minutes later I got a call from my neighbor:
“Jason…the fucking kid was going to change out the faucet and didn’t shut the water off to the build first. It’s a fucking mess over here. It looked like a waterfall running down the wall!”
“Yes I heard. We contacted the management company and they are on their way over. That’s all we can do.”

Being in the penthouse, this mess and problem had no bearing on my unit, or me, but for some reason my wife and I always get involved. What I can say is this: If you are not a plumber, electrician, HVAC technician or contractor, do not attempt to do any of these tasks on your own. You will fuck something up. This in turn will cause problems. These problems won’t be pretty or an easy fix. Your neighbors will be pissed. You will have to file an insurance claim. Your insurance will go up. Your wife will yell at you. I think that pretty much sums it up.

It’s just another learning lesson for this first time homebuyer. In the event that you pissed yourself when you couldn’t get the water to stop, I know where you can find some fresh panties!

Forget about a Snowblower. Bring home the Cat!

I don’t remember the Blizzard of ’78.  I was six and a half.  My mother said that, “When we lived in Portsmouth, Dad drove home a front-end loader from work front end loader, caterpillar, blizzard of '78to clear out the driveway.”  Back in those days, my father worked as a Forman at a large steel fabrication plant.  With keys to everything, he could have brought home all kinds of heavy machinery such as fork lifts, dump trucks or flat bed trucks if he was so inclined. However, There was no need for those toys.

A few years later, he brought home the big, yellow Caterpillar when we lived in Greenland, NH.  I was old enough to remember standing up in the cab while he drove his monster Tonka Truck down Route One.  The big rig rocked back and forth as the knobby tires crushed through the snow to find traction.  I also recall freezing my ass off even with two pairs of tube socks and my shiny star patterned moon boots on – there’s no heat in these large, steel rigs but they sure can move earth and snow!